What is a good man to a healthy woman

a starting point

A discussion of respecting yourself came up in an online chat room organized around dating. What does that actually mean? And what do men dating need to know?

I will attempt to define some characteristics of what a good man is to a healthy woman. These are not in any order. You don't need all of these, but you need most. This list highlights the commonalities between a jerk and someone who is self-secure. The remaining difference is based on whether you're being selfish or truly taking her interests in your decision-making process without being prompted.

1. A man walks softly and carries a big stick. You're not a pussy.; You're capable of incredible violence (say to protect offspring from danger). But it's under control; you're not a beast but a semi-domesticated one. The collar comes off when there's danger and in the bedroom.

2. A man is capable. You can solve problems (over time). You may hate doing something, but you can figure anything out (over time). You need some experience and command of the unknown. You can be upset by it. You can even be afraid, but you can't be so scared you stay devoid of action for long. So much of being a father is explaining that everything will be ok when the only thing you know is that escalating the worry and anxiety will only make everything worse.

3. A man is passionate/ambitious. You don't need to be Alexander the Great, but it helps. It would help if you had a bigger plan than the boy next door, a goal more significant than a wife or a family. It would be best if you had a target of what you want (ambition) and why you want it (passion). If they sacrifice the best years of their youth for you, they want it to be an adventure. And they don't want to watch your experience; they want to be a key party member. She is waiting for this interview. You value her, and she brings value to the table. However, this quest should not require them; you must be perceived as having options. So they are a nice-to-have, as we say in project management, optional. Children are needy; They need a mother. And you are not a child; you're a capable man with options.

4. A man has integrity. You can be destitute, living on the streets, have no car, and still have a woman (even the homeless can have girlfriends/wives, you may have seen it). Still, no one can ever take your integrity except yourself. This means you have principles you stand by and are willing and capable of defending. A typical pattern in real-life examples of the American dream is selling yourself on integrity because sometimes that's all you have. WHAT YOU SAY IS WHAT YOU DO. You rarely compromise for anyone; if you do, it's rare. She has to be able to believe you and trust you. Expect she will attempt to shit-test your beliefs to see how firmly held they are. You need to be her rock, even if it means losing her.

5. A man communicates. Women are excellent at reading between the lines; others do the same and seemingly read their minds. You are not a woman; you ask for clarification, which means you don't assume. You ask, you persuade, you negotiate, and you never demand. Every (even platonic) relationship is a two-way street, you can give or take, but it has to be balanced/or on average. The amplitude of the deviations can grow over time, like a larger credit limit because you paid the bill. You must be perceived to be able to pay the debt owed, and so does she. You make compromises through every stage of the relationship, more so with her than anybody else, because of this history and trust that has been built. Also, a man can be vulnerable/weak/emotional when appropriate (maybe in private with just her); women love to coach and temper their man occasionally, but they're not a dumping ground either.

6. A man has an idea about himself. You know who you are, your strengths and weaknesses. And you're on a path where you're making/doing actions you can be proud of. Of course, we all have faults and make mistakes, but our attitude and aims (#3) shape our world and, therefore, their world.

I think an excellent summary of all of this is from Your Wingman (YouTube): "She needs to trust you are strong enough within yourself to know, accept, handle, and deal with the consequences of your commitments." (to yourself and others)

These are only some, and I'd encourage others to provide their insights, corrections, and comments.